7 Dec 2017

There’s been so much grossness coming out of every corner in the last few months, I will take a wedding and not even care that the pressure is too high on one wedding to distract from the daily f-cksh-t. I especially will take a royal wedding. I ESPECIALLY, ESPECIALLY will take a royal wedding with Prince Hot Harry and Meghan Hot Markle as main participants! Are you kidding me – everyone’s favourite royal and his enticing, extremely charming immigrant of a bride (please don’t yell, I am using the word loosely, it was always going to be a given that immigration rules would be bent for a future royal). Is this tripping you out? This is tripping me out.

Since no one in this scenario is going to actually reign from the monarchical throne, Harry and his finacée have been allowed to do the wedding on a much smaller scale, with less visibility and accessibility, than, say, William and Kate. I totally get it: who wants to have to invite an ambassador of WhereIsThisPlaceEven? Harry’s been doing so much great, visible work on behalf of the Royal family, his Grandmother at this point is hopefully like “Yes, dear, you may do whatever you want, to hell with the protocol, sort of” (I refuse to believe that the royals don’t cuss – that’d be utterly disappointing).

So yeah, if this wedding gets to be broadcast like William and Kate’s was, it will be the one day I’m going to spend in front of the TV, like the joyous plebe that I proudly am, with my daughter Sofia and my tranquilised-out-of-necessity cats beside me. May can’t come soon enough!

Since the wedding is still in conception let us feast our eyeballs on what’s already out: the Royal engagement announcement, released on 27th November. This sentence right here: “Prince Harry has also sought and received the blessing of Ms Markle’s parents”. Meghan’s parents are divorced, though this is more of a trivia rather than anything of relevance – I have an easily imagined vision of Harry talking to both of them about his proposal plans even if they still were together. To me, this is redefining and challenging the strange tradition of asking solely the father and not worrying too much about leaving mum out of the big boys’ talk.

That’s when I say that, to my shame, I had not given much consideration to my own mama when my then-to-be husband came to ask daddy for permission. Sure, it was only a formality/show no one gave a sh-t about (by that time both my parents would have put forth my hand into the groom’s and kicked us off into the cloudy sunset, you could cut their desperation with a knife) and out of all people my mother would have been least bothered by being excluded from that narrative had any of us given any thought to it, but still, what a pile of crap – to ask the father and leave out the mother. AS IF, outside single-father households, it’s the one parent who puts in work to raise their daughters. Either ask both or don’t ask either one, gosh. Thank you, the Hot Royals, for directing my attention to this and I promise to step up my feminism game in the future.

There we have it, long-ass months before the wedding, and only a few days into being presented as “official”, at least to the public of Britain, the couple have made a cute but firm step into challenging the status quo structure of men/women inequality. I am looking forward to an entire marriage of this and God help me I am looking forward to Harry never ever “joking” about how his daughter (they must have a daughter!) won’t be allowed to date until well into her 30s. And in case Harry does have a moment of brain seizure, Meghan will be there to make him come correct.

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