Has my reaction to Call Me By Your Name – both the book and the film – started to pour out of your ears yet? It’s definitely pouring out of my friend Jorge’s ears, tell you that much. I am writing a piece on it for the next month’s Creative Writing so I’ll save THE FEELINGS for then, but I physically can't keep myself completely away. The perfection and purity that is this romance have had me wrapped around their juicy, peachy fingers since the day the trailer was released. I knew then that I would be obsessed, and I was putting it mildly.

Isn’t it the worst when the obsession delivers? How are you supposed to go about your dull days and, like, run daily, boring errands and sh-t? Even my insomnia is back – and I hate it as much as I can't blame it: if you can’t see Elio or Oliver, or both omg, in your dreams (which I have) why should you to go to sleep anyway?

I was in such constant emotional torture I had to look for ways to release the pain. How does a compulsive idiot “normalise” her fixation? She goes on a deep YouTube dive into anything related to the making of CMBYN. In my head, it makes sense: once I see actual human beings rather than the characters they play, when I hear about the details of the shoots or rehearsals or, I don’t know, lighting a scene just so, it should all take care of the fantasy pressure. Shake off the magic by stripping it down to mundane basics and actors’ bad jokes or unintelligent answers during press junkets. Right??? Wrong. Now I have to figure a quick way out of focusing on how f-cking incredible the filming process sounded.

First of all, Luca (O)G. I will have to start listening to what directors have to say! Since I relied heavily on him to lead me back to the long-lost emotional stillness, I clung on to his every word and, unexpectedly, learned that faultless humans might well be for real. I mean… I will re-watch all his interviews and memorise the sh-t out of them and will feel free to use his words as my own when I talk to absolutely anyone. I will basically be the dog’s bullocks – but humbly so – every time I open my mouth.

Secondly, the filming process. IN ITALY. IN THE SUMMER. According to the two actors, this was an immersive experience that very rarely happens. They both had got to location weeks before the production started just so they could hang out and get to know each other and, I don’t know, Netflix and chill. Luca Guadagnino does not believe in either audition or rehearsals (f-cking baller) so he just required everyone to hang on location. IN ITALY. IN THE SUMMER.

Am I now closer to calming my tits? Hell, no. I might have succeeded in separating the actors from the characters (have I though?) but I've replaced the original problem with obsessing over a life lived on a film set in general and this film set in particular. How overwhelmingly beautiful can your job be when you “prepare” for it in the company of the holy Luca+Armie+Timothée trinity IN ITALY IN THE SUMMER? I would have constantly had to go lie down if I was there. 

Speaking of “beautiful”, Armie Hammer or "Timmi"? I’m with the young(er) one. Obviously.