27 Dec 2017

This is a trip – being (in the OG) home and having a structure into which writing daily is factored in and prioritised. I am beyond grateful and relieved that it is my parents who have accepted the relay of burden all things Sofia because no way would I have been able to cope. No chance in holiday hell. I AM coping though, and so far, I have said a few nos to coffee outings and general f-ckabouts and I am still indecisive whether it’s killing me of making me feel like I’m the one doing the killing. Like, am I slaying the holidays with what could slightly resemble “grit” (can you slay something WITH something? I don’t know – English is my second language and colloquialism – third.)

The whole thing just feels strange. I keep saying that I am not a naturally hard-working person, I distract too easily, I don’t chase work and mostly I am a perfectionist when I get into obsessive mood the timing of which is too random to predict. But I guess I am not as sh-t as I think I am? Yes, I am rushing some of my posts but to rush them I’d have to be writing them in the first place. Which I do. So I don’t know, if there are employers who value discipline first, quality second, raise your hand up where I can see it!

This discipline is my first victory, dare I say it? I feel f-cking boss.

I guess I should make this post New Year’s Resolution-y. This is just going to write itself, I am much better at articulating what I want than I am about doing what needs to be done in order to get what I want. I see this irony and I hate it. Anyway, if the real Father Frost could please stand up, I would ask for an earning. I would ask the magic in the winter air to make it possible for me to successfully submit a piece I’d written. Real talk, Father Frost, if I could make my first earning off what I do I

Well that didn’t sound resolution-y at all. More like begging for a miracle to happen. I suck at this proactive life. Ok, ok, let me think it through and put it properly, like it is expected of a grown: I resolve to seek out online publications aimed at single parents, girl code violators, Russian showbiz inquisitors and, ugh I don’t know, lovers of all things gay in Northern Italy? Well that’s a plan if I ever seen one! Also, wouldn’t it be nice to trail a way for them old and crusty ladies who might find themselves in a rut i.e. their current tired life but are too afraid to change their professional endeavours? Seriously, if I, with no prior experience or youth or childcare or a mentor or grit or whatever else is holding me back (I feel like there’s a lot that’s holding me back, obviously), can receive my first earning, there’s no chance anyone else can’t.

On this note, Happy New Year to all of you stars who visit my site. My friend Jorge has shown me the stats once and there’s definitely more that one of you, end although I don’t know if any actually come back after the first read, I do know that I want to wish you strength and perseverance to slay every day of 2018! Let it be what you want it to be!